notes app, dec; the sway of life makes me feel like i'm deprioritising my identity
the deprioritisation of identity, thoughts on the luigi whats-his-name case and a nifty new food account
Ohayo!
Sav here.
I know there’s a bit of recency bias here, but a common thread of frustration I’ve had throughout the year is how I’m losing my identity.
‘Losing my identity’ is a bit dramatic, let’s call it ‘deprioritising my identity’.
It’s a phrase used in one of my favourite lifestyle podcasts, Soju with Sarah, where Sarah shares about her biannual identity crisis (can very much reltae) and that during that time, she realises how ‘deprioritised’ her identity seems.
From the eight hours we spend at work and the crushing commute surrounding it. To the random tax, insurance and reservation forms we ought to fill. To the doctor slash chemist appointments to get whatever our ailing body needs and the need to fill the fridge with sustenance as to not die.
And God forbid you’ve got standards too - It’s getting enough exercise as to not wreck your body at 50. It’s hanging out a socially acceptable amount with your friends, family and partner. It’s being a well-researched individual with an up-to-date framework of industry knowledge and meme trends. It’s carving out time and energy for the hobbies and passions that nourish your soul.
Ha. Good one.
Hobbies and passions are the very first to get deprioritised.
And I think it’s because, in most cases, it’s because they have little external impact.
Not having a job is a bit of a red flag. You’re a social outcast for not hanging out enough - possibly even a loser for not having a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner after a certain age. And well, if you stink of instant noodle and candy wrappers, then nobody would want to be near you either.
You know what’s a modern-day tragedy? How socially acceptable it is to be ‘busy’. An anxiety-ridden mark of honour which is less in the name of productivity or the corporate ladder or hustle bro culture and Naval Ravikant - but more because we can’t quite deal with ourselves. We’re terrified of having a quiet, undisturbed conversation with the human that lives in our head. Fuck, it’s why we’re always on our phones, so we don’t have to perceive the feeling of being alone with our thoughts.
People are proud of us for having a good job, good money, good car, good boyfriend/girlfriend and an overwhelmingly busy schedule.
But we never get a thumbs-up for having fun, for pursuing passions, for nurturing deep and meaningful relationships, for feeding the heart.
Unless there’s a clear financial gain involved (the switch up in opinion is ludicrous when parents find out that a hobby results in good money) - it’s a polite nod, awkward smile and a genuine but uninterested “that’s cool”.
That brings us back to the classic question who I can’t seem to find anyone to attribute to.
Take away your occupation and achievements, money and belongings and status, your physical appearance.
Underneath the proverbial Iron Man suit - who are you?
Fuck, I don’t know.
But if there’s a bit of wisdom I’ve heard recently, it is that we are not our occupation, relationships or pursuits - but instead the characteristics of it.
You are not a writer - you are creative. A passionate heart bursting with narratives and story arcs, a communicator who wields a language and world of your own.
You’re not an accountant - you are detail-oriented. You’re vigilant and efficient, adaptable to a tee. You know how to manage your time, energy and money and most of all, incredibly accountable (pun intended).
You’re not the clothes you wear - they are an extension of you. You’re appreciative, of shapes and fabrics, of silhouette and branding, of how cloth on skin translates to confidence and self-expression.
You’re not the money in your bank account - you are, well, this one depends greatly. You are conscious and conservative, valuing a safety net to fall back on. You are a greedy bastard who loves nothing more than seeing the line go up. You are future-thinking, of your children, of theirs, and intend to create wealth that lasts generations.
You are the way you like your eggs cooked at the continental breakfast and what fillings go in your omelette. You are the minimal number of floors you’re willing to accept before taking the lift as opposed to the stairs. You are your tendency to use a quilt even in the scorching summer. You are your trainspotting obsession with public transport routes and getting the most scenic seats.
Your occupation, relationships and pursuit are an extension of who you really are.
Your role is simply to act in accordance with that identity you want to cultivate.
The idea being: If I were to lose my job tomorrow (knock wood), disregard all my hobbies (knock stone) or undergo something life-changingly tragic (knock religious relic) - I would still, fingers crossed, very much be me.
Peter Parker is just as much a hero as Spiderman is.
It is he - who makes Spiderman special.
What’s cooking chef?
👶 Generation Alpha terrifies me
I had the privilege of hanging out with two of my little cousins recently, aged about 10 and 12 years old and clear members of the enigmatically confusing Generation Alpha - and they terrify me. The young lad in particular was extraordinarily quick to ask me about skibidi toilet (I’m okay with this), shortly followed by whether I knew how to mew (I think I do) and how to, and I quote, rizz up a girl with a big gyatt.
More troublingly, they were more than happy to put some pretty bloody, gore-ridden Minecraft/Among Us mod videos on the living room television.
You see, I’m unsurprised with kids watching fucked up stuff - every generation has its unsanitary moments and so did mine. I’m more terrified about their complete comfortability to share this knowledge with everyone they meet and put it on the big TV screen.
Again, I know this is a problem common to all generations, but I genuinely wonder how Generation Alpha will grow up as first to be almost exclusively raised by the digital environment.
🔇 Too Much Advice!
I watched this incredible short video by @americanbaron who talked about too much advice. Be grateful for what you have / Dream big. You think you have time / it’s never too late to start again. If you really love them you’ll fight for them / If you really love them, let them go. In addition to the aforementioned identity crisis, this conflicting draw of advice has been a pain point for me this year and it’s awesome to see someone put my feelings into words. This indecision will likely be the central topic of my yearly retrospective which I hope to publish at the end of this year.
🔫 It is not a good time to be an insurance bro
So uh, Luigi whats-his-name and the killing of the life insurance CEO. I have, if I gotta be honest, not many thoughts about the killing itself but more about the universal response to it.
I’ve always been really critical of people who complained all the time and took no action. This Luigi case though is prime example of a man doing something extremely actionable and suddenly I realise, huh, maybe he didn’t have to do that. It’s a bit of a kick in the mentality.
All things considered, Luigi is a well put-together lad - good school, good job, from a loving family and a more-or-less handsome bloke. I wonder how different the narrative would be if he wasn’t conventionally attractive, from a lower socioeconomic group and didn’t fit the societal bill of a good bloke. How harshly would the internet turn on him?
I don’t know if it’s just me, but the first and only location I’ve ever seen this Luigi case mentioned was here on Substack. No trace of it whatsoever on my Instagram, YouTube, Reddit or TikTok accounts and in the two weeks since the assassination, only one person in my life had brought it up. It’s here I realise that 1) the digital and physical world as so apart from one another and 2) the different platforms treat me as a different type of chronically-online person.
Regardless, it’s a terrible time to be an insurance bro. I’m a bit different to insurance though. You can read a bit of my not-so-insurance bro experiences here.
💤 Going to sleep upset is not that bad
I’ll be honest with you - I’m often the first to give up when I realise something isn’t working. There comes a time when communication provides negative marginal returns, and my hot take of the year is that it’s better to go to sleep upset than to let the exhaustion build and risk saying something you cannot take back.
▶ Currently playing - Porter Robinson
Not sure why I hadn’t given it a shot until now but I’m absolutely loving Porter Robinson’s new album, SMILE! :D. My favourite track without a doubt is Is There Really No Happiness and have got a big soft spot for the bridge of Russian Roulette.
🥘 My foodie account - nyamsociety
Priced into an overpriced avocado toast is the ability to post it on Instagram. It’s a crime to leave these pictures sitting in my camera roll. I’ve finally gotten around to starting a foodie account titled nyamsociety, ‘nyam’ being my self-made onomatopoeia for savouring something delicious. I plan to clear out the backlog of food pics from my Argentina trip before posting about Australia.
